If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour
a jug of boiling water down its throat and presto! The blockage is
almost instantly removed.
Helpful Hint #2
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.
Helpful Hint #3
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and
slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
Helpful Hint #4
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the
fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
Helpful Hint #5
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes a
wonderful, inexpensive vibrator.
Helpful Hint #6
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by
simply pissing in the sink.
Helpful Hint #7
High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a
while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Helpful Hint #8
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Erm
