FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES

Derek · Post by **Derek** » Fri Feb 14, 2003 11:46 pm

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
closer to the spamspam sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
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Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God
created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
beautiful.

Paul-T · Post by **Paul-T** » Fri Feb 14, 2003 11:50 pm

Vanda · Post by **Vanda** » Sat Feb 15, 2003 1:39 pm

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you've already told her twice.

Vanda · Post by **Vanda** » Sat Feb 15, 2003 2:34 pm

What's the definition of 'Making Love'?

What a woman does whilst a man's screwing her.

Vanda · Post by **Vanda** » Sat Feb 15, 2003 2:35 pm

Why was alcohol invented?

So ugly women can get laid too.

Vanda · Post by **Vanda** » Sat Feb 15, 2003 2:37 pm

Any more? Or shall I start on the bloke jokes?!!!

:yes:

Erm · Post by **Erm** » Sat Feb 15, 2003 3:34 pm

nah its ok

that'll do

CB · Post by CB » Sat Feb 15, 2003 6:56 pm

Nice one Vanda!

So in answer to my posed question in other topic...

What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't moan when you take your meat out....

Vanda · Post by **Vanda** » Sat Feb 15, 2003 7:13 pm

Very good!!
Anyway we only moan cause we love it so much!!!

CB · Post by CB » Sat Feb 15, 2003 8:26 pm

God you're pure filth Vanda! (but i like you!)

Mr_AWOL · Post by **Mr_AWOL** » Sun Feb 16, 2003 1:33 pm

Scientists have discovered intelligent DNA in some women

Unfortunately 95% of them spit it back out

YateleyBoyz · Post by **YateleyBoyz** » Sun Feb 16, 2003 10:48 pm

Barclays Bank announces new "Drive-Thru" cash dispensers.

Barclays Bank is very pleased to inform you that we are installing new "Drive-thru" cash point machines where our customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable our customers to make full use of these new facilities, we have conducted intensive behavioural studies to come up with appropriate procedures for their use. Please read the procedures that apply to you and remember them for when you use our new machines for the first time.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR MALE CUSTOMERS:

Drive up to the cash machine.
Wind down your car window.
Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
Wind up window.
Drive off.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:

Drive up to cash machine.
Reverse back the required amount to align car window with cash machine.
Restart stalled engine.
Wind down window.
Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.
Turn radio down.
Attempt to insert card into machine.
Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to its excessive distance from car.
Insert card.
After "Invalid Card" displayed - remove "Marks & Spencer" Charge card and insert correct Cash Point card.
Remove Cash Point Card
Reinsert Cash Point card right way up
Re-enter handbag to find diary with PIN written on inside back page..
Enter PIN.
Enter "Cancel" and re-enter correct PIN.
Enter amount of cash required.
Check make-up in rear view mirror.
Retrieve cash and receipt.
Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
Place receipt in back of cheque book.
Recheck makeup.
Drive forward 2 meters.
Reverse back to cash machine.
Retrieve card.
Re-empty handbag, locate cardholder and place card into slot provided.
Restart stalled engine and pull off.
Drive for 2-3 miles.
Release handbrake

Paul-T · Post by **Paul-T** » Sun Feb 16, 2003 11:18 pm

Derek · Post by **Derek** » Mon Feb 17, 2003 1:49 am

CB · Post by CB » Tue Feb 18, 2003 1:19 pm

Very very good...