Joke...

[Julia]

Major Charles Ingram (Who wants to be a Millionaire con) commited suicide today....

ITV have said they will pay for the funeral but not the coffin (boom boom)

[symisun]

good one Julia

[CB]

> Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club.
>
> It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing.
>
> Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was
> only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a
> dustbin.
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> Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......
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> BUMP........
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> BUMP........
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> BUMP........
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> Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the
> driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his
> road.
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> BUMP........
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> BUMP........
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> He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box
> approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more
> clearly....It was a coffin.
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> Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and
> >started walking briskly home.
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> He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking
> faster.........
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> BUMP........BUMP......
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> BUMP........BUMP..
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> BUMP........BUMP......
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> The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but
> he heard the coffin speed up after him......
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> BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...
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> BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...
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> BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...
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> He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .......
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> BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
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> BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....
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> BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
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> Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was
> only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys,
> His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming
> the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into
> his comfy chair.
>
> Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way
> through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the
> coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued
> its chase.....
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> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
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> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
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> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
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> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
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> In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could
> take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........
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> BUMP...SCREECH...HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
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> BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
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> BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
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> The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and
> launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom
> door flew off its hinges.....
>
> The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young
> terrified lad.
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> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
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> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...
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> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
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> In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom
> cabinet......
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> He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the
> coffin.......still it came ........
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> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
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> He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ........still it
> came......
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> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...
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> He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ......still it came......
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> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
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> He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........
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> The coffin stopped.

[Matt]

And so did all the scrolling down the page :rolleyes:

[MattB]

...as well as my hopes of a decent joke after all that!! CB, can I sue you for strain in my right scrolly finger?