Nuns.....

Vanda · Post by **Vanda** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 7:14 pm

Mother superior gathers all the nuns tongether.
"Sisters, I have been asked to announce we have a case of gonhorrea"
Sister Theresa turns to Sister Mary and says....
"Thank the lord for that I've nearly drank the case of Chardonnay"

Two nuns in a bath. The first one says "Where's the soap"; the second one
replies "Yes it does, doesn't it"

Two nuns are walking down an alley at night. Two guys jump out and start raping them.
The first nun looks to heaven and says, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they're doing." The second nun looks up and says, "This one does!"

Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the
first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she
said.
"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her.
Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied.
"Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.
Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her,
"Why did you push ahead in line?"
She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"

Sister Catherine is asking all the Catholic school children in fourth
grade what they want to be when they grow up. Little Sheila says:
"When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!" Sister Catherine's eyes
grow wide and she barks: "What the (beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb) did you say?"
"A prostitute!" Sheila repeats. Sister Catherine breathes a sight of
relief and says: "Thank God! I thought you said a Protestant"

A motorist ran into a shop. "Do you own a black and white cat?" he asked. "No," replied the manager. "Oh dear," said the motorist, "I must have run over a nun."

Post your favourite nun jokes here!!!!!!

Julia · Post by **Julia** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 8:02 pm

Two nuns driving at night when a stupid person (edited to avoid sexism!)
walked into the road.
Furious the two nuns got out.
"Sister Clarence - show the person your cross"
"Oi you

didn't you see us coming"

:rolleyes:

CB · Post by CB » Mon Sep 01, 2003 9:44 pm

The Seven Dwarves are on a trip to the Vatican and are granted an audience with the Pope...

"Your Eminence", says Dopey, "Do you have any midget Nuns in England"?

"No" says the Pope

"Do you have any midget Nuns in Europe"? asks Dopey

"Hmm....No" replies the Pope.

"Do you have any midget Nuns anywhere in the world"? asks Dopey

"Come to think of it - I don't" says the Pope

"DOPEY SHAGGED A PENGUIN...DOPEY SHAGGED A PENGUIN" chant the other six dwarves...

Mr_AWOL · Post by **Mr_AWOL** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 10:11 pm

At least now this explains a lot! MSN conversation went something like:

Mr_AWOL: Vanda are you looking at the forum?

Vanda: Just posted about nuns - why?

BOY was i scared?!?

Thought maybe vanda was gonna BECOME a nun!

cant remember the rest of the conversation, but just as well - children may view this site!

Vanda · Post by **Vanda** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 11:14 pm

Like that would ever happen!!!!
Anyway wasn't the rest of the conversation about a barbeque or something?!!

Mr_AWOL · Post by **Mr_AWOL** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 11:26 pm

NO!

The impending tax rises indicated by goverment spending cuts wasnt it?

Vanda · Post by **Vanda** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 11:59 pm

Oh yes, sorry, my mistake!